iknowyouknowiknowV3.5.2

I'm sitting, watching, hearing, breathing, waiting.
Well... sitting is perhaps a wee bit of an exaggeration. I am most defiantly standing, but there is a sitting quality to my stance. So it’s really more of a lean then, something of a nonchalant, demi-god cool rest against a wall. Resting and watching. I’m standing, but it feels like I’m sitting. Does that seem possible to you? Either way there is a relaxed air about me. Something that I not only soak in, pulling from my surrounds and exuding through my (often) blocked pores, but something I wish defined me. I’d like to hint at various coiled-spring cat analogies, but that’s a shade beyond me at the moment.
You see I’m too lazy.
The mind however… the mind is very alert, and the eyes are agile. The surrounding tissue, alas, is not. Even the eyelids get lazy and being to gradually droop downwards.
But the mind is spinning.
Spinning oh-so-quickly. So quickly it’s breath taking, and (literally?) mind boggling.

Flickflickflick.

The mind swings from one thing to another. War. Peace. Video games. Drame. TV. Books. Quantum. Beer. Quantum beer. That’s an idea. The British Interplanetary Society.

You.

Stop.

Comfort here. Comfort, but a taint. Something wrong. Rewind slightly. Wait. Stop HERE. Look.

Got it.
Ah.

It’s an anniversary. Someone elses. Someone ex.

I forgot.

Does that make me a bad person?

Does the demeaning of someone who was once important to me somehow demean me in the process?
Does it imply something that I may one day do to you?

Worse…
There is a worse thought.

Does it demean you?

Does the intensity of the feelings that I have for you, that out shine what was/is felt for anyone else, in any situation, ever, somehow weakened because I referred (jokingly, it would seem now) to those other feelings as love. Love? They cannot be love! They were not intense enough! This… this is love! This here now, those other things are just…

I need a coffee. *Sniff* Hmm… burger smell. I need a burger as well.
Cheese.
Yes and food, but where was I?

Diminished weakend love. Truly. Not good. Too much thinking. If I labelled those other feelings love, then how easy am I misguided? Could I be wrong now? Well no, but could she think I’m wrong now. That’s almost as bad. Bad thoughts, a death of a thousand cuts.

Burgers? Or pizza. I smell Pizza as well.

I should stop thinking I should slow down. I should stand here and watch and wait and…

I’m very aware of something. Something new. I… I feel something… I…

She’s here. She’s here. She’s here. I am sat waiting, I should wait, wait wait wait… but my feet are… I’m… confused and something has taken over and…
Fuck me, I’m very happy.
I’ve run over to you. You’ve not even seen me, you’re coming though a gate, and I’m by your side, and every sense is stretched, and I’ve touched your mind, and…

“Hello. I’m hungry. We should eat”: I say.
I love you: I feel.