iknowyouknowiknowV3.5.2

Aokigahara, a forest at the foot of Mount Fuji, is known as Japan’s hottest suicide spot… (and) scavengers are finding the forest to be a rich source of resalable items such as driver’s licenses, credit cards and even cold, hard cash, all of it taken from the bodies of those who’ve decided to end their lives there.

“I’ve heard rumors about the trade several times,” a reporter for a regional TV station located near Aokigahara (says). “I suppose if you gathered up everything to be found there, it’d probably end up being quite a tidy sum.”

Japan has witnessed more than 30,000 suicides a year for the past four years. Precisely how many people have taken their own lives in Aokigahara remains unknown, but the number is estimated to be fairly significant. A reporter claims to have perused Aokigahara and unearthed an unexpectedly bountiful booty including several credit cards, valid commuter rail passes and even commemorative coins. omoyuki Takimoto, director of “Ju no Umi (Sea of Trees),” a movie about Aokigahara and also a name popularly given to the forest, also found a wallet containing 370,000 yen in cash while scouting for shooting locations in the woods…

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 10:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?
Read that question again and answer truthfully.

This Fantasy Novelist's Exam is especially important on the eve of NaNoWriMo.

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 10:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The digital television channel Sci Fi UK has seen a 10 per cent rise in the number of female viewers over the past eight years and 1.4 million women now tune in - 51 per cent of the audience. The channel, which is celebrating its 10th anniversary, links the rise in "girl geeks" to the proliferation of heroines such as Buffy, Lara Croft and Xena.

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 10:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 4:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

DSC00999.JPG,
originally uploaded by Kristian is the awesome.

Posted by Kristian at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm going to tidy flickr up a bit. Find some of the illusive duplicates, and sort the dates on the photos that are clearly incorrect. Also I'll organize things into albums for easy reference. Now that I've caught up with the uploading, I'm going to start trying to add comments to new photos. It won't happen if there are hundreds and thousands of them in one go though.

Then the archives will go up here. You'll be able to get to site content from the frontpage of the site (http://www.slightlydisgruntled.co.uk) rather than from the blog.

Everything will be announced here when it's done, so you can go and have a look if you want.

Then there will be some breaking up. I'll sort it, you'll love it.

I hope.

Listening to: Nice Dream from the album "Bends" by Radiohead

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 10:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The posts/comments will stay here, but I'm killing Joel and Nise's access to this blog (so it's mine again) and I'm starting us another blogger account, called:

Take me to a house I can live in. There will be flowers.

I believe that Joel is starting a private blog as well. We spoke about it. It'll be host (hopefully, if he's talking to me) here. I hope Nise will write one as well because sometimes she says pretty interesting stuff. It'll go here.

I found all the archives of the old stuff that Joel and I wrote in our last house. I'll get it up soonish. There is some interesting photoshop porn by LeeLee up there. I wonder if he'd start blogging?

There will be other announcements about the future of iknowyouknowiknow soon. It's all relative, we are all connected, and are all one. It'll be reckless.

Listening to: Cross-eyed Bear from the album "Help: A Day In The Life" by Damien Rice

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 7:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So quickly, and most of this is reiteration. Well some of it anyway:

1 - If I have to wash it to use it, I'm not washing it after. That takes care of some of the confusion. Sorry, but it's shit for you to think I should even do that.

2 - Bin/etc. with you. Fine.

3 - Mail. Um. Not normally delivered when I leave. I'll happily pick it up if it's still on the ground when I get home, unless my hands are full of bags, etc.

4 - The bathroom takes 2 hours to clean if no-one has cleaned it for ages. Sorry, that's the way it is. I'm not going to bother to do any round window cleaning, I'd rather not bother.

5 - I'm not eating my words. The give-a-shit sack remains empty, along with the bothered bag.

6 - I pay for everything that keeps you entertained Nise. That's a give.

7 - Whatever. I was pretty pissed off that you wouldn't leave me aalone about it. You shoat me with your messages, and the replies fucked me off, and rather than row, I told you to leave me alone. But nooooooo you had to talk. I didn't shout, and now my voice is better (cold nearly gone folks) I will. And if most "girls" would cry, I think you know the wrong girls. Most of the girls I know would give back twice as worse (and little sister(s), GC I'm looking at you).

8 - I'm ashamed of lots of things, but not this.

9 - That's not angst. That'd be anger.

10 - Saunter is not swagger.

11 - I've made comment about the house before, when you dropped a joke about doing the washing up in front of the people who live downstairs.

12 - Actually, the world does revolve around me.

13 - Whine? I'd say it's more of a growl, with teeth.

14 - I replied to the whiteboard in the way I took it, sorry if it wasn't meant that way, but there we are. I must have been in a bad mood (hence the retail therapy) because normally I'd not reply at all.

15 - I love my opinions. I never said I didn't. I also love my hypocrisy, which is why I'll point it out in others.

16 - Nise (and Joel), I think it's pretty apparent I don't care about anyone that much at the moment. Like you want me to, I'd suggest just getting over it, because it's not going to change anytime soon.

17 - No more hearts on sleeves. Sorry, it's not operational policy any more.

18 - Perhaps a new house analogy. The house is so weird to me, that I don't view it as real life.

19 - I'm proud of my cuntdom because it's going to keep y'all away for a while. I need to be alone at the moment. See many below posts.

20 - We need to get the carpet cleaned. Like professionally. Maybe Nise and I are getting a little to used to Joel sorting all the house stuff out, so I'm happy to do it... but I'd like to look at that for a moment. Joel wants everything in his name, which is cool, but he was warned and cautioned about the side effects. Joel is also the only one at home during the day, so while there is a violin present when he complains about it, it is pretty small. Joel mate. You also have a tongue. You can ask us both to sort stuff out. We'll either have the time or not. Either that, or it's not really a problem, it's something to deploy when there is a row.

Listening to: Kirby's House from the album "Help: A Day In The Life" by Razorlight

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 7:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

...this train journey! That's right kiddies, I'm off. Sorta. I'm on a journey to Lincoln to see the relatives, and take solice with people who, maybe, don't really want to see me but feel duty bound to do so.

And I'm looking forward to it. Mwahahahahaha. I've not been up to Lincoln for ages. In fact I've not been up since the last break-up, it'll be nice to recharge up there. I'm not sure if the jumper I have with me is enough, because I forgot it can get bastard cold up here. Hm. Maybe I'll get another cold...

... although that isn't likely, because my immune system is now supercharged and awesome, just like the rest of me. I sent it away for training, and then deliberately caught this cold to ensure that it can do the job. Which I'm please to report it can. I pretty much feel better now. Sorta. So I am going to continue with my body modification ideas and get all pierced and tattooed up. Result.

Anyway much therapy in forms of conversation with my little sister (little fZe, not the "real" one) and Little Hell, whom (I'm pretty sure) is so awesome I might be forced to totally crush on her for ever and ever. Not sure yet.

She did beat me at pool, but then again it's not that hard.

Speaking of crushes, I have decided that since Emma clearly doesn't want the awesomeness that is me, it's time to randomly fall in love again. Applications now please. If you can't share the misery of existence, then you really can't share anything, not even Nintendo. What is the world coming to when you can't share Nintendo?

Posted by Kristian at 5:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

They destroy brands and wreck lives. Is there any way to fight back?

This piece of trash begins:

Web logs are the prized platform of an online lynch mob spouting liberty but spewing lies, libel and invective. Their potent allies in this pursuit include Google and Yahoo.

It's a global blogspiracy! Further on:

Some companies now use blogs as a weapon, unleashing swarms of critics on their rivals. "I'd say 50% to 60% of attacks are sponsored by competitors," says Bruce Fischman, a lawyer in Miami for targets of online abuse.

A sidebar offers revenge tips for businesses "done wrong" by bloggers:

BUILD A BLOG SWARM. Reach out to key bloggers and get them on your side. Lavish them with attention. Or cash.Earlier this year Marqui, a tiny Portland, Ore. software shop, began paying 21 bloggers $800 per month to post items about Marqui, while requiring them to disclose the payments. Marqui's listings soared on Google from 2,000 to 250,000 results. Never mind that one blogger took the money and bashed a Marqui marketing strategy anyway.

BASH BACK. If you get attacked, dig up dirt on your assailant and feed it to sympathetic bloggers. Discredit him.

ATTACK THE HOST. Find some copyrighted text that a blogger has lifted from your Web site and threaten to sue his Internet service provider under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. That may prompt the ISP to shut him down.

Or threaten to drag the host into a defamation suit against the blogger. The host isn't liable but may skip the hassle and cut off the blogger's access anyway. Also:Subpoena the host company, demanding the blogger's name or Internet address.

SUE THE BLOGGER. If all else fails, you can sue your attacker for defamation, at the risk of getting mocked. You will have to chase him for years to collect damages. Settle for a court order forcing him to take down his material.

Why they omitted "gouge their eyes out with forks," "clamp electrodes to testicles," or "ship them to Gitmo by the crateload," I don't know. C'mon, take the gloves off, you pussies!

Link, you'll need to register or use bugmenot.

Dan Gillmor has posted an analysis of the many flaws in Mr. Lyons' article here.

Posted by Kristian at 3:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sorry this is fkn epic everyone, it's just that I have the same longwinded desire to clear my name. I'll just go through Kit's post and reply to bits, easier that way.

"Leaving purely subjective conversations about the quality of any cleaning anyone is the house may have attempted aside"Dude - SO far from intended. If you read my msg again and read it with a smile and knowing that I was half asleep and a bit vague, and just writing coz I finally remembered about it somewhere where I could make a note... you might understand the intended tone a bit better. I also forgot your irrational fear of the written word, honestly. I'm honestly sorry I did it that way coz it's lead to so much misinterpretation. But try and believe I was writing it in the spirit of flowers and honey and all things nice (or the only things left in my happy but empty seive-like brain at the time). But please know that I write things up there to remind myself as much as you guys - you know how bad I am at remembering ANYTHING. I don't write it up there in any self-righteousness, I write it up there because I'm so useless I sometimes even wonder if I remembered to finish dressing for work, if people look at me funny. It's feasible.

"poor Joel and Nise were born without tongues"Kitty... you haven't said a word about any of this in person (which is my main problem with all of this, I was fine till it ended up online). You've chosen this as your whiteboard, obviously because you were also born without a tongue. Or perhaps just a false tongue.

"I spent 2+ hours scrubbing the bathroom."Were you cleaning it with your pinkie alone?! Next time can I watch and give you some pointers on how NOT to spend 1hr per square meter?

"moving your shit from the lounge isn't a massive favor in the "cleaning up stakes"."Yep, I'll give you that. It was a piss poor effort, I know it. Why do you think I made a note to clean up on the whiteboard? To remind meee! However, I didn't do the living room properly like I was going to because your and Joel's stuff was all over the table/floor, so I waited for you guys and it never happened and I forgot to remind you. I certainly wasn't saying that my tidying of the living room was good enough, of course it wasn't!

"the slack fuckers"Oh holy shit dude. You've cleaned the bathroom by your own admission TWICE, in 3.5 months. How many times have you cleaned the kitchen? I do it about every two weeks - a proper clean, with sweeping and cleaning spray and everything. You've seen me. That's... 8 times so far. Also, you've done the washing up 3 times and once was done so badly I did it all again. And you have eaten more than 3 meals in this house, so you can quit the whole 'I don't ever dirty anything' act.

At this point I'd like to bring your attention to something that happened a while ago. I made you guys dinner, and we were going out. I was in the process of rinsing the baking dish when you made me stop (by physically grabbing the dish away) because I'd cooked and therefore wasn't allowed to wash up. I appreciate the sentiment, and I said so, but I also said I'd just rinse it so it was easy to wash up when whoever got round to it. Anyone who's ever baked anything knows that 5 seconds of rinsing straight after dinner will save you 5 minutes of dedicated scrubbing later. 5 minutes is a long time to be scrubbing. But I waited 2 days and when noone had done the washing up, I spent those 5 minutes scrubbing out something I'd wanted to clean before but wasn't allowed. So - slack fucker this, buddy.

"Then think about the driving force behind the request. Because you have a guest coming. That's selfish."Not my guest. Like I give two shits about this woman. I do however, want to not be ashamed of my place, and myself and my flatmates, when someone else walks in. So yeah, pretty selfish. Why did you NOT want to do it? Coz you did it a few weeks ago. Sounds pretty fucking selfish to me. AND you were the one who turned the tone from a reminder (albeit you took it worse than I meant it..) to aggressive. So really, you were the one who started the spineless sneaky writing. I wrote my reply when you were out of the house. So really, if you understand that my first post was meant with no ill intent, you were the only one writing rude comments furtively. Eat your words, if you please.

"Comedy genius." Glad you like it. Believe it or not it was meant tongue in cheek. I don't hate you, in fact I rather like you, sometimes. It wasn't meant to wound.

"Give and take? The does imply that there was been some taking on my part!"Yes, there is taking. Well - there is giving on our parts. You may claim that you don't care about it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Like... cleaning the kitchen. Doing the washing up. Even if you only use one glass a day, that's an awful lot of times you would have had to wash up that glass that you just haven't. And we all know you use more than that, not every day, but you definately do. We've cooked you food. We've cleaned up your massive stacks of DVDs on the floor/tv/table. We've done the little things like clean the surfaces that gather dust and grime, put toilet blocks in so it doesn't stain, aforementioned kitchen cleaning, making you teas, looking after you when you're sick, etc. What do you do for us? You've cleaned the bathroom twice. Thanks (I do mean that, even if it sounds narky it's not sposed to). But... what else have you done for me? Please, if you answer nothing else, answer that.

"Nise thinks I shouted. I can assure you that I didn't"Just because you didn't shout at the *very* top of your lungs doesn't mean the tone you took wasn't aggressive, or that you didn't raise your voice. It was, and you did. If I wasn't used to people losing the plot and screaming, I'd have been just plain scared. If I was most of the girls I know, I would have cried. And I mean that, honestly. Thankfully I react to agression either by laughing (which I did) or anger (which I have since), but if I wasn't me, you'd have reduced me to tears. I hope that's something you can be proud of.

"I suspect that Joel and Nise don't like that fact this was put anywhere because they are ashamed" Nope. Not ashamed at all, see previous comment. I'm hot headed and rude sometimes. I've come to accept that and I'm not ashamed of anything I do, as a general rule. Of course there's exemptions, but no need to discuss those here. Personally, I think you should be ashamed of how you've acted, so we'll just have to agree to disagree.

"I suspect that Nise misused the word" Wrong. I find it angsty that you posted it on your blog in the first place. You seem to thrive on negative emotion, and angst is worry/fear.. or when used in the terms our subculture generally uses it in - it means to harp on about negative things and place inordinate importance on your own pain. I think the fact that you posted it up here just means there was a part of you that got totally thrilled by the conflict and by the self-righteous anger you were feeling. You felt unpleasant emotions, but you liked feeling them. Otherwise you would have just let it lie. BUT, I didn't mean to imply that you linked to this page on the board so people could read about our little fight. I was just annoyed that you blew it out of all proportion, and then widened your reader base to *all* of our mates. No shame, believe me. It just seemed self-righteous and self-indulgent at worst, thoughtless and badly timed at best. Basically - it annoyed me that I even had to KNOW that you posted it here. If you hadn't linked to it, I never would have. Maybe you did do it for that reason though, you thought you'd get your little 'kick' as you put it out of us, and neither of us read it, so you linkied. Not what I meant to imply, but an interesting suggestion now that you've made it.

"I also like the fact they assume no-one on this message board reads my site."Um. Never said, and never meant. I said 'other half who doesn't read' as in - the people on the board who don't read it.

"I speak my mind. Often. I spoke it on that fucking whiteboard."Yet you still haven't managed to open your mouth and say any of it out loud. Except on Sunday, which you'll recall only happened because I 'sauntered in' to talk to you about it. I'm sorry about my cowboy swagger.. I'll try to spend less of my day riding my pony so my legs aren't so bandied. Until then, try and ignore the unintentional sauntering.

"Do they think the world revolves around Joel and Nise? Do they think that all of this was a plot to out them as the filthy housemates that they are? Because it really wasn't."Um, no and no. I really hope it doesn't look like I think that way, coz I don't. But Kit, the world doesn't revolve around you and your 2+ hours of cleaning one time either. Hence the give n take message.

"I try to make sense of this. I think: "It's hard to 'kick someone when they're down' if they don't just stay there on the floor and weep." is supposed to be: "It's hard not to 'kick someone when they're down' if they just stay there on the floor and weep."" WRONG. What I meant is - shit is going to happen to me in my life and I'll be down as hell. You could argue it already has, and you could also argue that it is happening right now. But I don't just sit there and cry. I kinda pride myself on staying positive. And you've mentioned it yourself Kit.. you said if you went through what I have to, you'd hate everyone else in the world for thinking they have problems. We were outside on our front lawn, when Joel was away (interestingly enough... you weren't sick then, you'd just come home from work). That comment was a response to whoever the anonymous person is, and it meant nothing more than that - bad stuff happens to me but you can't kick me when I'm down because I don't allow myself to get that down. I'm too stupidly proud. Anyway, do you consider what I said as kicking you when you were down? I sure don't.. but honestly, if anything I've done has been taken that way I'd like to know so I can make amends. I don't want to hurt you. But.. you DO whine a lot ;o)

"I see the deployment of double standards here, where it's OK for them to write on the whiteboard, but apparently not for me."I see it like this - I was writing what was meant to be a friendly reminder. Having re-read it in hindsight I can see how you took it to be pretty rude, but I honestly didn't mean it that way. I meant it as a reminder to us all in the very best of natures, coz I thought we were all friends who didn't have to tiptoe around each other. YOU wrote something that was confrontational, and something I consider should definately have been said to my face. Friendly reminders (badly worded as they were) should be ok on the board.

"I regret adding "pretty little female" to the get your head around comment"Fuck it, I took it as a joke. I meant my 'I'm the pretty one' comment as a joke. I'm not taking this so seriously that I've started to take myself at all seriously, so no harm done.

"I am somewhat baited by someone overly in love with their own opinions."Aww, bless. Hypocrite. No venom intended in that comment .. but ya are :o)

"I care less what I say, because I care much less about them, and their opinions."Now this one, this needs to be dealt with. That's a pretty serious thing to say, and quite frankly you can react how you like to me but don't lump Joel in with me. And you know why. But.. if you really are caring less and less about me, maybe this should either be swallowed and not mentioned out of care for my feelings (because.. that hurts, and it makes me surprisingly sad) or said face to face, so there's no misunderstanding and I know where I stand.

"They can't wondering into my space and shit on me, and get away with it. It's just not going to happen. I feel worse because they think they are so... justified."Bro. I stood at your door. You invited me to sit on your bed. I honestly don't think I invaded your space at all, except afterwards when I came and gave you your tea. And I don't think I 'shat' on you at all... if you recall I was the one suggesting we all calm down and sort it out like adults. Unless you mean your space as in here?

"I remain equally neutral to them both in the "real world" because this is a war of words, and, to my mind, of opinions and standards."I'm no longer neutral in the real world dude. I find all of this really upsetting and quite disturbing, and it's all gone a little far. I'm upset that you made this seperate to real life. I think that we can only have these conversations/fights because we have real issues, and that talking about them might help. But saying one thing to our faces and then writing another here is not helpful. I've found that since this has started.. I'm working out you're not the person I thought you were. You place such value on openness and honesty, and you say that we should ask you to do things because you just don't think of them, etc.. and then you act like this? Nice as pie to our faces and saying that you like us less and less with every passing second behind our backs. Worse still, in a place you KNOW we're now going to see it. I'd rather if you don't like me, that you come and say it to my face. I'll still be up for a while. I still like you as a mate, so I've got nothing specific to say. But I'm upset and more than a little hurt, so I just won't be saying anything at all until I find I want to interact with you again. It's not malice or vengeance, I just find that I'm hurt and when I look at you I'm unhappy. So I'll just take my leave for a while. Just.. please don't be fake with me. I'm too naive, so it hurts every single time I realise I'm being duped. When you're nattering away I think everything's fine, and I'm correspondingly happy (if a little surprised). Then I go to work and get online to realise you've been getting more and more annoyed at me. I'm correspondingly sad, and also ashamed and hurt that I was dumb enough to think everything was ok. Please - when it comes to me, wear it on your sleeve or keep it properly hidden.

"I like to keep the online fights online, and always have been able to. Nise can't. She views it as being "fake as it turns out you were last night" or something. Which is interesting, because she was the same way."2 things - I wasn't actually, I said about 3 words to you with a shocked look on my face, then when you left the room I asked Joel if you'd read our comments. He didn't he didn't know.The other thing ... this isn't an online fight my friend, it didn't start that way, and it's about real life issues. So let's not just try and relegate it to here. I've said my peace here but if there's anything more to say, lets just do it face to face. You can tape record it and transcribe it here later if you like, but lets just be open with it. Hiding things hurts me too much, and I find I will never trust you again. When I think things are one way I will always now be acutely aware I might just read online about how different they actually are.

"they really don't want me here. Trust me I just checked by walking into the lounge room."That's bullshit. Just because I'm upset with you doesn't mean I don't want you here. It might have meant I didn't feel like talking to you at the time, but I don't even remember you walking in so it may just have meant I was daydreaming. It obviously didn't mean much to me.

"I'm a total cunt."Shyeah. You think you are. You also seem to think it's something to be proud of.. like so over it you're over being over it. "I'm such a cunt I don't even care that I'm a cunt. Love me. Please."

I'm getting fucking tired and tried and drained. But I gots to reply to Joel first.

"I believe you still use cutlery to eat your microwave meals?"He normally uses plates for those as well.

"But Ill keep doing the washing up, cause noone else will. As I am around the house and need to make "a sandwich" (wow!) there isnt ANY space (anywhere) so I just clean everything."Shyeah.. no one else ever does it. I never ever ever did it. Mmmmhmmm. Um Joel, you make it sound here like you do all the cleaning up every single night, and every night I make it a shitpit again. Me alone.. coz we all know Kit doesn't use anything in the kitchen. It's not exactly like that my friend, you had a 3-4 week holiday from doing the washing up before you went to Amsterdam, and I threw up my hands and stopped after that. It's been 4 weeks since then, maybe I'll start again. BUT.. I leave the house at 7am and don't get home till 7pm, and then I have to cook dinner for us. By the time I've cooked and eaten it's 9pm, so I have a shower and go to bed, so I can get up at 6:30am the next day. Maybe if you cooked us dinner for once I'd be happy to do the wasahing up. Give.. take. I don't begrudge you guys what you don't do, coz I know there's things I don't do as well. Just please try to be fair? I do do stuff around this house too, you know. It's just that without a mother around you're starting to realise exactly how much work goes into keeping a house clean, and you're feeling a little put upon. Don't forget that there's more to it than just the parts you do as well though. Live on your own for a while, and then come back and tell me I do nothing. I'm well aware I don't do everything, but please realise the contribution I DO make.

Anyway.

I'm just saddened and hurt and frustrated by this, not least because I now understand that it was my writing on the whiteboard that pissed you off so much, not the cleaning itself or the fact that I was asking you guys to help. I don't have the energy for this, nor do I like feeling like this. But this is gonna stay bust until someone says something to fix it, and right now it's not going to be me. Maybe soon, but maybe not. I'm just really hurt by this, and I'm not entirely sure why. So anyway, I hope you all enjoyed reading about my life.

Posted by Kristian at 10:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Does anyone want to go? I'd be well up for it, because I am a NERD. A NERD with the seal of Rassilon tattooed on him. Maybe.

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Result.

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm pretty happy with this. Good job chaps.

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The only thing I am clearing up is that you dont do anything around the house. The rest of the arguement/shit fight I don't have time or the energy (Im sick btw peoples) to think about let alone post about.

OK, firstly you claim you "never" use any plates or cutlery, but I would argue that youd do use some. You made bacon sandwiches (requring plates) two days ago, you leave teabags around the house (surely I should have to clean them up?) and I believe you still use cutlery to eat your microwave meals? But Ill keep doing the washing up, cause noone else will. As I am around the house and need to make "a sandwich" (wow!) there isnt ANY space (anywhere) so I just clean everything.

So you never need plates because you eat out all the time, thus most of our bin is full of your crap. Bags of chicken bones, Frijj bottles etc etc, but that doesnt mean you should EVER move the bins out! I come home from Amsterdam and there is garbage EVERYWHERE! But Im sure you will argue that you dont make waste, all the crap you purchase and display on this blog (for example) dont have packaging etc.

Then there is the mail. Something you and Nise just cant even move. I come back from Amsterdam to find mail slammed up against the door. Newspapers, magazines and even a CD package from work. Im glad that didnt get smashed.

Although Kit gets just as much mail as I do, I am sure he will once again argue it's not his problem, could you at least push it to one side rather than smashing it into the wall?
As I work from home I guess its my responsibilty to organise British gas to come fix our lights, the builder to do the jobs that needs to be done etc Im cool with that.

The vacuum never comes out (although ours is shit (as I have used it a few times).
In your defence you cleaned the bathroom. Cheers, it is nice to have a clean bathroom, Ill pay that.

Also for a man who openly "hates" this house, you never seem to buy anything to improve the quality of life. I buy lights when our longue room is in total darkness. Nise gets fittings to hold the toilet paper, toothbrushes etc in the bathroom. I got the shelves for the bathroom.
Basically Im just saying you do shit all around the house. Yeah it pisses me off a little, but what can ya do?

Oh, and my office. Since I got the space under the bed, a new desk and replaced the 21inch screen with a 19inch flatscreen, Ive now got space to keep it all tidy. Im confident it will be the most tidy room in the house, because it has to be! Im proud of that office now, so it will be kept pretty darn nicely!

Finally, I don't care that your posting this on your blog. After many games of "I've never" in Byron, I don't think much really phases me. If I was seriously worried about this stuff, then I would probably kill myself with worry ang regret with some of the things i do/have done.

I believe you should chill out. Don't take things so personally. We are not out to get you. We are here to hang with you and try to improve your quality of life.

Oh and I have found a cleaner. She comes next wednesday (w00t!), so most of this will not be an issue!

Posted by Kristian at 10:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

25-10-05_2006,
originally uploaded by Kristian is the awesome.

Posted by Kristian at 9:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I think it's important that you all know I'm smiling when I say this. So, uh, I'm smiling

Fuck you.

I'm pretty sure that covers it. However I know some people like details, and I am, as always, happy to provide them. I've got all the time in the world now.

This is actually quite hard to write, because my natural tendency is too be a dick-head and escalate this as quickly as I can. That's not the goal here. The goal is for me to answer my critics (in this case Joel and Nise, my housemates) as thoroughly as possible. Besides a full on verbal war would be the height of hilarity, and I'd win. Haha.

I love being conceited on a Wednesday afternoon.

OK. Let's go. It starts with a whiteboard:

I'll type out what was written for you:

Fellas
Before Ruth comes we need to clean this house good.
Pick a room + make it spotless for Friday (vacuum/mop too).
1. Kitchen -
2. Bathroom -
3. Livingroom + hallway -
Joelie - I'll do our room as well

I don't like. It is certainly not my position not to ever clean the house again. Leaving purely subjective conversations about the quality of any cleaning anyone is the house may have attempted aside, I'll try to explain what my reaction was.

Piss. Off.

Last time (a couple of weeks before this) a massive house clean was called (*sigh* yes. In the same way, on a fucking whiteboard, because poor Joel and Nise were born without tongues) I spent 2+ hours scrubbing the bathroom. Joel and Nise did the dishes. Sorry. Did their dishes.

Now as they are inevitably reading this, I'd not want them to get too carried away. Yet. I'll remind them that moving your shit from the lounge isn't a massive favor in the "cleaning up stakes". There is also a pet hate of mine. I despise having to wash things up to use them. So naturally I'll not be fucking washing them up after I've already had to clean them to use them.

So imagine my shock when I read this request on the whiteboard. Then imagine my disgust I feel that it was the slack fuckers that raised it. It's insulting.
Now I'll add that it was written when we were all in the house, awake, and up and about. Actually entire conversations had taken place. Sneaking up to the whiteboard and writing this... it's spineless.
Then think about the driving force behind the request. Because you have a guest coming. That's selfish.

So I've just been insulted by the spinelessly selfish.

I reply, it's in the picture:

Again, typed:

I would, but I checked my give-a-shit sack, and it was terribly empty. 'specally after the last 'house clean' we had, that was me doing 2+ hours in the bathroom, and someone doing the dishes...

Yes. Confrontational. Maybe. I was pretty pissed off. I went out, did some shopping (where I obtained the awesome new toys I've posted about recently) and came home.

Again, the board:

Again, typed:

Give a little, take a little bro.
P.S. I actually cleaned all my stuff from the living room, etc. too

I was speechless. Just as well, no-one was at home.

Give and take? The does imply that there was been some taking on my part! I think I'm lost, because I just fail to see it. This doesn't mean it's not there. It just means that I don't see it, and I've not quite been able to see it, and chaps I'm trying. Now I admit that Joel and Nise's contributions to the comedic side of my life with this event has been massive. Especially Nise's postings in various places. Comedy genius. Oh, hang on, I'm going to get to use "condescending" about someone else now. I'd love to know they "give" that allows such a condescending message to be left.

I'm loving the word condescending. I'm finding it very... oh, I don't know... versatile at the moment?

I think I've already dealt with the picking up stuff comment.

I'm passing out of anger and frustration into the dismissive now:

Typed:

Ahh. What was I thinking? Let me make this easier. No.

The end.

Or not. A small row. My statement, and for some reason Nise thinks I shouted. I can assure you that I didn't, and if I ever need to, they'll not have to think I was thinking. I think we look some more at this row later.

Now the end.

Or not again.

I photographed the whiteboard, once when I got in from shopping, and then when I wrote my last reply. I did it because it was amusing. I knew that I'd get a kick later out of the little fuckers, and the shear balls it must take to write something like that, and then think you are 100% right about it.

Well, I wasn't wrong. I found it so funny I blogged it, along with a fuckload of other stuff.

A short time later I linked to my blog, and not to the post.

Then I went to bed. Then I got up, and all hell was a-coming.

The posting of the comments part 1 - The Board

First I'll deal with what was written on the board, which is an online place where we all hang out. I'm doing this first because most of you won't have access to it, so it'll be new. It sure is interesting.

Post #1 by ♦Kit (25/10/05 @ 07:40:05)
I've blogged about some pictures:

http://www.slightlydisgruntled.co.uk/blog/blogindex.htm

There is some good stuff there... including my new Haloween mask.

However Anne will want to see:
Dan and Brad

and you all want to see:
Joel in a tiara

Haha.
Apparently a bastard since 1981
Reply
RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #2 by ♦Kit (25/10/05 @ 07:43:03)
I have no idea why some of the links didn't work. You guys can suss it.

Also please leave comments. I find them funny, especally when trying to do a prince2 course.

You might have to go into the archive to see some, as I've made about 20 posts tonight. Sometimes I get busy.

Be warned, I'm not a happy bunny at the moment, and can make certain other members of our little friend group look like a fucking teletubby at times for misery and self pity.
Apparently a bastard since 1981
Reply

Post 1 and 2 are me putting things up. The links were supposed to go to a picture of Dan (Anne's old boss from when she lived with me in the UK) and a picture of Joel is a little tiara. Point is, I'm not drawing attention to anything to do with anything white, nor boardie. However I clearly forgot that the world revolves around Joel and Nise, so naturally they seem to think I was.

RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #3 by ♦lara (25/10/05 @ 05:50:11)
oh dear.
I thought you didn't pollute your body with any form of drugs :|

i'm not zee board very much (unless it's after work hours and my boss can't do anything), but you can always me if you want to have a rant... you know i'm good with the unhappy bitchy rants :)
Fark me dead. Id go nuts on a desert island by myself with nothing but the internet.
Reply
RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #4 by ♦Willis (25/10/05 @ 08:10:28)
kit.. blow me.. I'm lonely
Security isn’t anything more than superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all
Reply
RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #5 by ♦Anne (25/10/05 @ 08:33:42)
Cool, so... who's brad?

...NO, really =)

Anyway say hi to dan from me!
(Best boss ever!)
Reply

Post 3, 4, 5 are replies. Pretty standard. Um except for Wills, I have no idea what he's on there.

RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #6 by ♦nise (Yesterday @ 12:13:08)
FUCK you whine a lot.

I particularly like how you post your angsty bullshit about cleaning our house to the world, then link it to the other world that doesn't read your blog.

Get over yourself. There is nothing that fkn bad in your life. God forbid you ever have a real problem.
You say tomato. I say no thanks, I've given up alcohol.
Reply

Post 6 is where it gets... interesting.

An insult followed by an assumption. Great. I think it's worth noting that I suspect that Joel and Nise don't like that fact this was put anywhere because they are ashamed, which is good, because I'd be too if I was them.

I'm ignoring the usage of the word "angsty" because I see no actual angst in my post about the whiteboard, but that might just be my perpective. I suspect that Nise misused the word, and is trying to use it as a derogatory term here.

I also like the fact they assume no-one on this message board reads my site. Hits from Aus and comments suggest otherwise, but HEY! Who am I to point out something obvious like the facts.

RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #7 by ♦Joel (Yesterday @ 12:49:48)
I dont know why you would want to discuss this stuff on a public forum and never to our faces kit,, but if you want to, then its not a problem.

seriously, the world is not caving in! Your NOT living in a flea infested shit pit! If you don't like it, then try something different? New job, new friends, move country, go visit another country!Whatever you like. Cause at the end of the day, its your problem.

anyways, not too fussed either way, but not sure if anyone on the board would want to see it all anyways.
Get SKYPE and msg me over here! AND get VSkype (www.vskype.com) and you can have video too! SKYPE ROCKS!
Reply

Post 7 is Nicer, because it's a little more rational. It does start with a fallacy though. Sorry, we did have a conversation about it. Less than 24 hours before. Then it wonders a bit. Not too happy with what it has to say, because... yeah, the world has pretty much caved in for me. And I do view this house, and the state it is in as a flea infested shit pit. One thing I do agree on is that it's my problem, but then... it was posted on my blog! Funny that! I think we touch on this point later.

RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #8 by ♦Kit (Yesterday @ 03:40:48)
Well this is unexpected.

Um, I'm moving it off here, because where I express myself is a better place than right here, but if you want to see any more chaps, wonder over to the site. This place, however, is for our friends. I'm in agreement with Joel. Not here, but oh so definatly THERE.
Apparently a bastard since 1981
Reply

Post 8 is agreement from me with Joel, and a statement that this was unexpected. As statements go, that's pretty black and white. I hightlight this because I resent the implication that I pointed people to this, very small, part of a blog of... well, 260+ postings in the past few months.

I did tell everyone it'll continue somewhere else, because frankly I'm worried that Joel and Nise would view it as some sort of victory, and their behavior was starting to appall me.

RE: Picture Blogging [RE: Picture Blogging]
Post #9 by ♦nise (Yesterday @ 06:29:09)
There is good. This was my favourite part:

Anonymous said...
nise you are a fucking bitch and i never liked you. i hope you enjoy kicking someone when they are down, cause karma dictates someone will to you one day! :)
Reply

Post 9... we get to that later, because Nise is talking about a comment posted on my site. Which leads us nicely to:

The posting of the comments part 2 - Blogger comments

Phew. This is getting tiring. I do think it's important to be thorough in clearing ones name though.

You can find this all on the original posting here

Nise said...

Yeah, sure would be a shame to forget about that awesomely needless display of agression.
3:11 PM
Kristian said...

Needless? There is no such thing as NEEDLESS agression.

And if anything, it was passive agression, as I just said no. And because I said so.
3:17 PM

All civil and pretty tame. Just for the record, my statement about NEEDLESS aggression was a joke. We all know what agression from midgets should not be tolerated.

Joel said...

meh, no need for this on a blog.

mmm.... potato chips.
4:48 PM

Something about this really bothered me. It has a feeling (to me) of censorship. I know that's not how Joel intended it, but it still annoys me. This is my fucking blog! I control it! MINE! It's not a collaborative effort, and I really think this DOES have a place here as it is something that happened to me.

Know what else upsets me? They'll sit and laugh about my responses to Emma during our breakup, but when it's cast at them, well... not appropriate Kit! That's just annoying! By all means step up if you think I've slapped you, that is, after all, what I'm doing here, but to suggest it shouldn't be here at all? Not good.

The potato chips comment is a good "whatever" statement though.

Nise said...

Your idea of passive is fucking laughable. You nearly burst a blood vessel yelling at us.

You certainly said a lot more than 'no'.
4:49 PM
Nise said...

See - I think there's no need for it on a blog wither, but apparently that's the only time Kristian feels comfortable speaking his mind, so here. we. are.

OK. More fun. I didn't nearly burst anything and there was no yelling. That's just a fact chaps.

I did say more than no to you, but I think I covered it with "No". I certainly wrote nothing after that. until now, of course.

And then an agreement with Joel, which we know I don't like, but it's their opinion and therefore their prerogative. It's tailed by something that isn't true. I speak my mind. Often. I spoke it on that fucking whiteboard. This comment simply isn't true. And then another bit "so here. we. are."

Which leads me to my next point. You. Don't. Have. To. Be. Here.

4:51 PM
Anonymous said...

nise you are a fucking bitch and i never liked you. i hope you enjoy kicking someone when they are down, cause karma dictates someone will to you one day! :)
5:21 PM

I want to make something clear. I put my name to things. This is one of you readers posting something, and not me. I'd put my name to it. Always have, and always fucking will. I'm proud of what I have to say.

Kristian said...

Now I just find this hilarious.

Joels comment - I disagree. That's why it's MY blog.

Nise - Ah, I think I have a different memory, and sweetiee, if you WANT me to yell, oh I really will. That was restrained after you saunter in and ask me about it.

And anon - um...
6:37 PM

Fairly self-explanatory.

Joel said...

Honestly I think putting house affairs on a website is pretty childish, but if thats what you want to with your publci voice, then I don't actually mind.

This is mainly because your problem isn't really with Denise and I (although if that is it, then tell us and we can go our separate ways).

Dude, everyone hits a low points in their lives at different times and for different reasons. When you are there you have 3 options. 1)You can hide in a shell and change nothing in your life and pray it will all be better soon (maybe become relgious too). 2) You can run away from your problems, perhaps skip the country? or 3) Try and face your problems and work out what will actually help. Perhaps get help from those arround you? And make some tough decisions to improve your life.

Anyway you only live once dude, remember no regrets!
12:27 AM

I like this post as well. Wait. No I don't. Fucking childish! Me? Gah! I need to be shown now how it is childish to post this to my blog. We've already established that I didn't draw any undue attention to it. Then I wonder: Do they think the world revolves around Joel and Nise? Do they think that all of this was a plot to out them as the filthy housemates that they are? Because it really wasn't.

A note on filth. My room is messy. Joel's office can get pretty messy. I've not seen Nise's room for a while, so can't comment. Mess is where you have you're shit out. Filth is where you don't vacuum and wash dishes, and are generally gross. Which I. Am. Not. I don't mind mess, I hate filth.

The rest of the message is pretty constructive. I like the rest of it. No Joel, the problem isn't with you tow as people. It's with your attitudes. Oh, and the responses.

I almost read some of this as an offer of support...

... and yes buddy, that's the key. No regrets.

So, while happy, I'll add this... if you want to see fucking childish, check my new door decoration:

It'll make sense later.

Nise said...

Wow - the same person who used to snipe on my LJ made it to Kit's site! Nice. Sarah Lomas..? Anna..? Whatever. It's hard to 'kick someone when they're down' if they don't just stay there on the floor and weep.

Kitty. This is silly. I did 'saunter' in and ask why you wouldn't help us clean, yeah, coz I read your bitchy message on our whiteboard and asked you about it straight away. At least I did it face to face though. At least I wasn't as fake as it turns out you were last night.

But seriously. If that's your idea of restrained then you have a very skewed perception of what's acceptable behaviour. Just like me :o) Pot to kettle - you are black. Over.

But I guess we knew your perception of reality is a bit off, from the guy who didn't drink for 3 months and lost 25kg in a week.
9:22 AM

*sigh*. OK. I try to make sense of this. I think:
"It's hard to 'kick someone when they're down' if they don't just stay there on the floor and weep." is supposed to be:
"It's hard not to 'kick someone when they're down' if they just stay there on the floor and weep."

Which I admit I do, but I'm unhappy and depressed. For some reason the magic "over-it" fairy hasn't been to visit me yet, so I remain depressed. Sorry kiddos, but until she waves that wand (something that, as I believe I've said before, I'm assured comes with time).

OK. The message on the board wasn't bitchy. It was a fucking statement of a fucking fact. And yes, she did have the conversation face to face. Um. Pity you couldn't have started it that way really. But I see the deployment of double standards here, where it's OK for them to write on the whiteboard, but apparently not for me.

And I'm not a fake person. I was fine with them last night, because I'm still fine with them now. It's this issue, and the surrounding behavior that bothers me.

Kristian said...

Ah Nise. You did saunter. You also didn't fuck off when I said I didn't want to talk about it.

I think you totally misunderstand something... I'm not actually interested in your opinion. At all. I don't really value your factual comments on what happened when, because I don't just "believe" it happens I different way, I know. That's why I'm still happy to smile and say hi to you. If you can't comparmentalise this, then that mate is definatly going to have to be your problem, because it sure as hell isn't mine!

Damn your eyes, you totally beat me to the pot/kettle thing. But yes, that was restrained, becauase as message on a whiteboard pisses me off.

And for the record it's 2 months no drinking, and 25kgs in two weeks. And they are both hideously true because I am a firm believer that the first is where the SUPERMEGAMYSTERYVIRUS came from. The weight is unfortunate, because as you might be able to recall I was serious gym stylie before it happened, and most of the weight loss was not fat, but muscle. I remember returning home to rant about how I was back to nearly the same weight as when I started after SUPERMEGAMYSTERYVIRUS was done with me.
3:55 PM

Knives out, I go in. In hindsight, a little foolhardy, and quite confrontational.

Just so you know, the SUPERMEGAMYSTERYVIRUS was, I believe, the flu, with some awesome dehydration complications.

And I have a cold at the moment, which is bad, because I'm a typical male and it's the end of the world when I am sick, but (to be fair) has been made worse by a training course and exam.

Nise said...

You stopped drinking when you got sick. August 1 you came home smashed, remember? Out of the first 4 days you'd drunk on 3 of them. I found it funny because it was your idea not to drink in August, and I stopped and you didn't. You may be confusing us, but I'll make the distinction a little easier - I'm the pretty one. August 4 Joel got home, and you were still drinking then, then you got sick. You then started drinking in Australia.. the 20th wasn't it? So at best you got 2 weeks.

And I somehow doubt you put on 25kg of muscle before you got sick. So if you'd lost 25kg, you'd be as thin as Joel. You weren't. Stop lying to yourself.

The thing you're missing is - I don't care whether you're interested in my opinion or not, because you chose bring this up in a public forum and link to it to make sure we knew it was here, so I'm going to reply. I'm not saying it for your benefit, I don't care about aligning your opinion to mine. I DO, however, like pointing out riduculous inconsistencies in your ranting.

And btw.. I think it's spectacularly retarded to think that NOT drinking can make you so ill. It's somewhat reminiscent of schizophrenics thinking their medication is making them worse. I'd say it's got more to do with the drinking you WERE doing at the time, as well as your mental state. Sometimes your body just tells you to give it a fkn rest, and I think that's more likely what it was. Coz.. we KNOW you were drinking at the time. You even remarked to us that you thought you may as well continue not drinking since you'd done a week by default coz you'd been so sick.

Just open your eyes.
5:21 PM

I'm getting tired. I deal with most of this in my reply.

Kristian said...

Sorry Nise. Maths will hurt you. Try to get your pretty little female head around this:

Stand on scales at gym. 124kgs. Fat fucker. After 2 mo9nths of gym, but that's OK, because I was neither going up or down.

Get ill. Get better. Stand on scales at gym. 99kgs.

I used my super computational bran to make that... 25kgs!

Sometimes I amaze myself.

For those of you that are counting, I'm now... 101kgs. My target weight is 90. That's a personal target, as I'm now safely in the "normal" category on the old BMI. Bit of a result really.

And I never said I lost it all in muscle, I implied it, because that'd be my understanding because I could lift an amount before illness, and couldn't after. It's probably wrong. Just as well I never said it then. I did magnificently imply it, but that's because I don't recall my fat ever being something that'd help me bench. Of course another explanation could be that I was still exhausted from the illness, and so just not able to life the normal weight. Not sure. I don't actually understand all of it, but that's OK, there's plenty I do understand.

As for not drinking... sorry buddy, I started drinking 1 week into being in Aus. I also went to Aus 2 weeks after being sick. I was sick for 2 weeks. Fuck, already at 5 weeks hun. So my 2 months is a damn sight closer than your 1 week.

I also made copious jokes WHILE being sick that I quite drinking for a couple of weeks and look at what happens. So lets be generous and give me a week. That's 6 weeks. Fuck. You.

While we're at it, let's address the reality of the "claim" that I make that not drinking makes me sick. It's a joke. I know it's a joke, you know it's a joke, and everyone else knows it's a joke. Either that or they shouldn't be allowed to read for reasons of terminal stupidity.

Um what's left. Dum-de-dum. Ah. I'm happy your happy I don't care about your opinion. That's great. Agreement.

I'd like to deal with the more sinister of your implications though: that I put a link somewhere for you to find it. Um. You live with me. I've seen you read this before. I certainly didn't do anything clandestinely. No sir. I actually didn't think you'd give as much of a fuck. I think I've decided to take it as a sign of shame over what you wrote on the board, as you are clearly upset that this was made "public".

Ah. Where are the random inconstancies now?

Nise why don't you leave it? You're wrong. You are never, ever going to know more about me than I do. Lucky you.

You know what guys, I feel a POST coming on

Ah, I get annoyed. I regret adding "pretty little female" to the get your head around comment, but I was, and am, pissed off.

That's no excuse for the tone I set though. I do ante up pretty quick, but I do feel I am somewhat baited by someone overly in love with their own opinions.

I think I covered everything else in my wordy reply. Even if it was all very sarcastic, which is a little embarrassing, because sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. I guess I was just going for the lowest common denominator. Shit, sorry. Cheap shot. I'm just finding that as this gets worse, I care less what I say, because I care much less about them, and their opinions.

So that is the correspondence to date. Know what, I hate my house. I hate my life here in the shitty place. Living with a couple is hard. Hell living with people is hard, but this... this is going to get harder. I'm not likely to let this go, because this is an issue I feel strongly about. They can't wondering into my space and shit on me, and get away with it. It's just not going to happen. I feel worse because they think they are so... justified.

I think we can safely say that friendships are damaged. Sad, but hardly surprising. It's sad that the majority of the fighting seems to be between me and Nise, and Joel is just sort of dragged in. I'm aware that I've apportioned blame evenly in my evaluation here, where maybe I shouldn't have. Joel is, at least, normally trying to be constructive. I remain equally neutral to them both in the "real world" because this is a war of words, and, to my mind, of opinions and standards. I do view them as a unit though. That'd be because they behave as one. When it suits them.

I like to keep the online fights online, and always have been able to. Nise can't. She views it as being "fake as it turns out you were last night" or something. Which is interesting, because she was the same way. Oh well, fuck 'em. Joel is either just getting sick, like I have been, or is just as pissed off with me. I find it hard to see it as being anything other than "us" and "them". Pity, but the house has always (and I guess that's the way it is, because it's the way it was when Emma and I were in a shared house) felt a little like I was staying in their space. Now it's just even more so, because they really don't want me here. Trust me I just checked by walking into the lounge room.

Which isn't angst, by the way, because I'm not anxious about it.

OK. In the interest of fairness, I've invited Joel and Nise at have blogger access to this blog to post replies, rather than do it in the comments, because all the RSS readers, and all the visitors can read their points of view. Remember guys, what I have to say is only 1 side of the story. They will have valid stuff as well, because ultimately... I'm a total cunt.

Listening to: The Hardest Part from the album "X&Y" by Coldplay

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 9:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The fact that this forum is public brings some valid criticism. Criticism is, by it's very nature, quite subjective. I agree some some ("I give far to much away") and not others ("childish", "no place for this in a blog"). In the end though, I find the criticism useful. It forces me to rethink and revisit some things that I would normally just drop here and walk away from. Even the most (at least in my opinion) useless for of criticism, that which is just a personal stab ("fuck you whine a lot") can bring some useful reflection.

So in the spirit of this reflect, and for some contextual refinement to the reader, I'm going to share a portion of something that I've (perhaps) not been able to make entirely clear.

The devastating effect that the loss of my long term relationship has had needs to be considered in all things I do and say at the moment.

This I am neither happy, nor sad about. Merely sort of tolerating, because it's the way it is. You can take the statement at face value and walk away now, there are other posts, I'm sure. Or you can delve a little deeper.

On many levels, non of the current state of my mind can be directly attributed to the break up. Instead one must go further, and make some acceptances.

Yes Emma and I fought and grew apart. Yes I also see that. I acknowledge it formally here for all of you. Yes we often both treated each other badly. Yes to many more things, but know these two things as a give:
1 - I love her. It doesn't matter.
2 - Problem, feed thyself.

Leave 1. It's a no-go area at the moment, because it's all so raw.
Take 2, possibly the most heinous, of of context, disgusting misquote I've ever employed.

Look past that, please. The writing will pick up again. I promise.

I believe passionately and deeply that the reasons we developed, and ultimately destroyed, the relationship the way we did was because we had a problem. Then a pattern of behavior was set up to deal with the problem, which resulted in the problem getting worse, and so the behavior was exaggerated again, and on we went.

Example: I used to do everything with Emma. We had issues. I retreated to friends. Can you imagine how that feels? It'd feel like a loved one dropped you. So, feeling betrayed and isolated, Emma then causes more issues. I retreated further. The distance is greater and... shit.

This sorta happened for a few years.

An interesting aside for people keeping track: I'd love to be back where we were, but... gah. Not going to happen. That's been made abundantly clear.

OK, so we have acknowledgment of the issue. Go further. Something compounds this. I'd almost say this is worse. it's not. Not quite. But it will be. The overwhelming issue will always be that I'm not with her, but this new point is worth considering.

I knew it was happening.

A little louder. Give it weight:

I knew it was happening.

The old inner voice talks to me non-stop. Do this. Don't do that. When I was critical of us, it said "don't say that". When we moved apart (physically and emotionally) it was screaming like a motherbitch. "No. No Kristian. For the love of God, don't fucking do it you moron" it'd say. But I knew better, didn't I? Did I bollocks.

So what I'm trying to figure out at the moment is; how do you cope with a breakup that's hurting so much, after so long, when you know you could have, and should have stopped it?

Just how the hell do you live with yourself now?

Answers on a postcard.

Listening to: Help Me Please from the album "Help: A Day In The Life" by Hard-Fi

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

• ITEM! Starbucks cocked up the lunch order and I have to eat a tuna thing for lunch, rather than what I actually wanted.
• ITEM! Coffee hurts my raw throat. I'm struggling to drink coffee. That's like a vampire not being able to brink blood. It's killing me!
• ITEM! I now officially have a temperature, but have to struggle on with this terrible bloody course, which I'm going to fail because study doesn't happen when you can't see straight.
• ITEM! I am a typical man when it comes to having a cold. The world people, is over.

Oh. Wait.

Listening to: Rocket from the album "El Presidente" by El Presidente

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 1:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

24-10-05_2044,
originally uploaded by Kristian is the awesome.

Posted by Kristian at 9:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Right, drugs wearing off. Cold attacking. Feel bad. Trying again for sleep. See you in 7 hours.

Listening to: Cross-eyed Bear from the album "Help: A Day In The Life" by Damien Rice

[posted with ecto]

Posted by Kristian at 11:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)