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Ahh memories.
[posted with ecto]
I'm having a bad day.
I don't like having frustrating conversations. and yet recent conversations seem to have been very frustrating. This forces me to post an update. I'll start with some simple rules:
Now we move to the big one. It is very important that you understand perception.
Dictionary.com says:
per·cep·tion ( P ) (pr-spshn)n. The process, act, or faculty of perceiving. The effect or product of perceiving. Recognition and interpretation of sensory stimuli based chiefly on memory. The neurological processes by which such recognition and interpretation are effected. Insight, intuition, or knowledge gained by perceiving. The capacity for such insight.
Don't believe me? look it up yourself
Now a persons perception is most likely to be their reality, so I understand them “fighting their corner” when they think something. However, unless they have some reality warping power that can make your own perception reality for everyone else, then I'm afraid it's always just going to be your take buddy. It might not be mine. In fact, it's not going to be mine because I'm fucking weird. Let me insert some personal examples here:
Gee. I wonder who that's written to?
You know what though? I feel better. I might go and have a cigarette.
I'm still using Hi-5.
http://www.hi5.com/friend/displayProfile.do?userid=28440709
But it's a bit boring, if you ask me... needs more spice. Please go and join, and tell them I sent you. I want horrid things about me being said on the net.
[posted with ecto]
Basically the blog is fun, the other stuff isn't... unless I roll it into the blog. I'm cutting it out like a cancer.
I'll leave old archives up for the curious, and then I'm going to destroy everything. Because I can.
Things will look different, and I'll be cooler and get a hot girlfriend, and better mates, and a fast car.
She'll probably win. That makes me a sad panda.
Note: I originally filled this with expletives because it annoyed me. I took them out. You know what, it works better when they're not there.
Someone at work sent me this. I don't know who took it, but it kicks ass.
I wonder if it's
Indeed he was the first person I heard use the phrase "Straight to video bombings" about the somewhat crap 2nd attack.
I've read (and quietly watched) and not once have I weighed in with an opinion (a rarity, I can tell yez).
This has got my interest however:
http://www.londonist.com/archives/2005/07/to_be_or_not_to.php
I am not, however, going to express any further opinions on the matter. Yet.
Mike can be found at his site here, where his visible monsters blog is updated somewhat regular like. I enjoy it... always good for an opinionated laugh. He also writes a lot at Londonist, which you all should be reading anyway.
I like it.
Depression is a habit that I formed. I wonder if this is how it is for everyone else. It doesn't have to be like this. I can just... be happy with everything. Even the bad bits. Like having a crush.
However all good things must come to an end, and I'm going to blow this thing out of the water man. Yeah.
I know the photo is a little old, as I've lost a bunch of weight, and have another piercing or two. Hm. Also I have the bad ass stubble going now. It really is bad.
[posted with ecto]
Anyway. I'm on the train back to London. It's been a weird weekend. One the one hand, it was one of the best I've even had, and I totally fell in love with Edinburgh. On the other hand attending the wedding with the Ex, et. al. was one of the hardest things I have even had to do in my life. Also I'm jealous of Des because, if things had gone to plan, that would have been us.
A few things to say:
So that's it. Events have been building up to this day for a long time. In terms of commitments I'm free now. Nothing planned for a while.
Oh and an Usher ushers people to place, and makes sure the groom stays sane while the best man is working his tit's off. It wasn't that hard.
Hey. The internet gets installed at our place on the 29th of July, so that should mean that normal service is resumed, rather than loads of posts being written in ecto and uploaded when I find a network.
YAY!
[posted with ecto]
I really liked the pointy building, the William Wallace memorial, I believe it is.
Please don't be an idiot like some people I could mention and ask who he was. That's not a good move up here buddy.
We had a nice drink in a pub, I'm hung over this morning, and so the stage is set for the wedding of the year. Wish me luck today as I delve into the web of intrigue, betrayal and ex's.
Also, does anyone know what an Usher does?
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But what amazes me is they all look so big and healthy. Cows that look the way that they should, like they've been picked out of a book and placed next to the railway line for me to stare at in confusion as we hurtle past.
I've just seen a herd of horses that looked fantastically majestic. I've never seen such grace (outside of a cat of course). They were running, you could see their flanks glistening, with the toned muscles moving under the sleek skin. It was... strange to behold.
I wish I had my camera (or that I could be arsed to get up and get it out of my bag) but I think that a picture would rob the moment of some of it's poetry.
[posted with ecto]
As we stop at places North of London, weird things about their nature reveal themselves.
For example "Doncaster" (if that is your real name) doesn't just have trainspotters like the rest of the world. It was entire families of them. Children with note books, bored wives and eagre husbands toting cameras.
Uh. Wow. It's 14:13, and I still have a long way to go on this train. I wonder what other weirdness I'll see.
[posted with ecto]
Enter notes. My old hate and ancient foe.
There's Nims who likes to party, and goes 100% into everything he does.
Bru is just so... cool and laid back.
V is a model. I believe I've touched on that before.
She also likes to beat people up. Look.
I, of course, kick ass.
I come home depressed; I end up having a barbecue with some awesome people. I'm going to like it here.
[posted with ecto]
Clokey was talking to me the other day about gigs. REM, apparently, is a band that you have to have seen at least once in your life.
I'd agree.
Now this is neither a good or a bad thing. REM are a funny band. I don't think about them that much, and when I do I always think of everybody hurts. This is sort of annoying to me, because they have other songs that kick so much ass (end of the world and man on the moon spring to mind instantly). So I sort of ignore them, because they float in and out of my music taste, and frustrate me.
However, when I was offered the opportunity to check out REM at Hyde Park I had visions of the Chilis gig I went to last year, so I jumped at them. I must thank Clokey for the chance, and it fucking sucked that he couldn't be there as well.
This gig was a bit special, not just for us, but for the band. Because of the bombs the week before the gig had been moved. This resulted in this being the last gig of the tour, and man these guys had been everywhere.
The were supported by some band that lacked impact so I forgot them, Idlewild, and Feeder.
Idlewild
They were good enough to make me want to go and by their new CD. You should too, if only for the awesome Love Steals Us from Loneliness. They were very good, but I don't know their back catalog well enough to pick highlights.
Feeder
Also kicked ass. I didn't think I knew much of their stuff, but I did. I knew it all. I like it when that happens. Now they are a good band with some good tracks, but the highlight was brand new car for sure. In fact, I believe there is a video here.
REM
Were amazing. Too many awesome tracks and events to list.
The blue stripe was there.
Pattie Smith was a nice touch.
Most touching moment was obviously Everybody Hurst. Yes it hit me hard, but things are a little tough at the moment. If anything it's a testiment to an awesome song, and a great performance. I taped it here.
End of the World was cool (a bit of it is here.
Man on the Moon. Awesome. There is a bit here.
I also recall What's the Frequency Kenneth? being amazing, but I was busying messaging those who couldn't be there. You were all missed.
So yeah. I've seen REM. Not sure if I'd go again. I don't think I'd go if it was just me, but I'd defiantly want to take someone special who hasn't been before.
Like I said. It was the end of the tour. We even got treated to a bit of it's the end of the tour as we know it...
The ones that made it: Lee, Joel, Nise and I. Cheers chaps.
[posted with ecto]
A kick in the teeth is what this was. In a good way.
Sometimes certain events come together in a particular way that just accentuate different aspects of an experience. Shit that was retardidly vague. Let me try some bluntness. New flatmate/old friends Joel and Nise came to this gig. That was weird. A lovely young lady was there with us, look very nice. My ex was there, looking pissed off with everything, and a bunch of guys from work that I knew (just not that well) were also there.
On a good note I'm rectifying the not knowing them problem. They are all fucking quality.
The new, the old and the distracting all made this the best gig I've been to for a long time. I throughly recommend that people mix it up a bit because it stops life from being boring, and as you all know... we must never be boring. Shit, even the journey home was interesting.
It's also refreshing to have had a few beers before I arrive somewhere. Fuck me, I was chilled out man.
I can't tell you anything about the support band, because I didn't see them. I wondered in with a bunch of the cool kids slightly drunk, and stood chatting at the back of Brixton Academy. It was strange because four years ago I had stood there with my arms around my ex, chatting to Skin from Skunk Anansie. I glanced back at my ex (who was there with us)... maybe there was still something there.
Nope. Sweet. Move on.
We dipped in and out of the Mosh. I'd like to acknowledge Emma, Joel and Nise for participating. Good job guys. Sharon was where it was though. As always, my gig buddy fucking rocked it. Cheers!
The classics kicked ass. Head like a hole, Closer, Starfucker and Hand that feeds stick out. But Hurt was where it was at.
The following survived NIN:
Migs and Nise
Big Keith
Clokey and fZe
Joel
...and me.
Then the Nine Inch Nails gave us a sonic anemia that night. Fucking A.
[posted with ecto]
I'm trying to fit somewhere in the middle. To help me do this, I'm going to start with a few statements to set the scene. I've also disabled comments on this post because... I don't really care what you think about it. This is my thought vomit, and it's here as is. I don't want your opinion/scorn/sympathy.
But first I need to tell you why I'm doing it in the first place.
This blog is about the cool things, etc. that happen to me. Sorta. I like to think of it as a brain dump, where I can go to capture some of the important things that happen to me. The fact that it's public, well that's just a special boon that assists with self-editing, isn't it? I try to be honest, but I remember that anyone can read this. Trust me; it does help to cut the crap.
Well the end of the 7 year union with a lovely lady is just the type of important thing that I want to capture.
This photo fits. It's a very happy younger us.
So yeah. Closure. Let's do this.
Although we were together for the last 7 years, the last 2 have been like a cancer that I believe we both agree should be cut out of our lives.
Yes, I stole her from another guy. That she'd been seeing for a month.
Yes, I've had opportunities to be with someone else.
I don't know if she has.
Yes, I've not gone looking since the end.
No, this isn't the first time we've broken up.
No, I don't mind that she gets with other people. As long as I don't have to see them.
I value honesty, but not exclusively.
Deliberately omitting something is the same as lying. Get over it.
Ten is a round number, so I need to think of something. Oh. We broke up about a month ago (although we've been on-again off-again for about a year).
For 5 years she was my everything, and yes it's very weird to write that. For the last 2 years, I think that she's been as much of a strain on me as I have on her.
As a bit of a side note, and interesting repercussion of this break-up thing, I can no longer state that I loved her (but apparently can write it. That's interesting). I have conversations, and I'll go to say “back when I … um, yeah…” rather than saying “back when I loved her”. Very strange. It makes my friends laugh. I'm happy to be bringing joy to someone's life.
More happy us. Hmmm. Also from a while ago. Is there a pattern here?
Moving along, we've been on the verge of breaking up for 6 months, a very distressing time. Actually we broke up a number of times. I've also been told (often) that it's not like we're even together anymore, but I was also told with alarming regularity towards the end that I was shit, and as I am the awesome, I know that she doesn't speak the truth.
It died one morning about 4 weeks ago. It went out with a whimper (I believe I got thrown out of her house) rather than a bang (no one was hurt). We didn't really speak to each other for a week, saw each other briefly at a mutual friend's BBQ, and went our separate ways. For a while.
Here the story gets interesting. Two friends are getting married soon. This is important to the story.
I went to the stag do. Um, I fucking organised the stag do. Emma went to the Hen do. It was two weeks after we broke up. Where she fucked at Hen's brother.
That's the word. Fucked.
No-one told me. Until the secret, which is rather dirty, worked it's way out. The groom told me, as we are very good friends. It was the hardest thing that he has ever had to do, and it was the worst news I ever received.
I'll take a quick break here to sing his praises. What he has done, and the issues that have spun out of it, have marked him as the best friend a man can have. He'll never know how greatful I am, or at least never have a cause to understand it (I hope).
Anyway, let us continue. For some reason I threw up; Actual physical vomiting took place. I'm afraid of doing that, and it stung my newly pierced lip like a bitch, but I did it anyway. Twice. Yes sweet corn was there. That shit gets everywhere.
I've been trying to decide what the problem is. I mean, it's over, so there should be no issue. Yeah, some respect would have been nice (either in the form of her waiting a little longer, or her doing it with someone I don't have to see EVER, or perhaps her telling me about it herself). Yeah, I sort of wish it hadn't happened. But… it was going to some time. I'm not sure if any of the above stuff would have made it better or not. I do know that it was pretty awful the way it worked out at least for me.
I think what I'm missing is some remorse, even if it's for the way it made me feel. Sadly the woman in question doesn't seem to understand this, and thinks that everything is OK. Peachey keen. It's OK to behave like this, because hey… it's not like we were together.
I just guess I'm not worth that much… or rather, not worth that much to her. I am, after all… the awesome. Someone rates me, and that someone(s) are far better than those that don't.
It's sad, but you know what the relationship means to me now? Nothing. The way the end has been handled has brought only corruption to the memory of it. I can't look at photos and smile while thinking of the happy times. I just think of the sick feeling that I get when I imagine her with someone else. Sorry, scratch that last bit, I actually think of the fact I was sick when I found out about her and somebody else. Then I laugh, because baby… I know what he looks like, and I am the awesome, especially in comparison. Haha.
This is liberating. Stay with me, I know we've been here for a while.
Suddenly there's closure. I see new people, and I acknowledge things that I've probably wanted for a while. I can now do what I like, and my fucking annoying conscious doesn't get in the way. I don't have any “give it time” or any “give it respect” thoughts. Instead I just think about how I'm going find someone else, and it'll be sooner, because through the pain, depression anxiety (and vomiting) I have achieved Closure. Let me tell you, closure is the spiritual nirvana of break-ups my friend. That's me. Spiritual Nirvana. So good, it gets a capital.
Now, do I feel validated by writing all this down? No, not really, but here it is. Do I think it's helped? Not sure yet, I'm sure that in a couple of years I'll look back, read this, and laugh. More important to me is that I think that this will provide context to anything that is said here over the next few weeks. My head is in a weird space because a bunch of doors have closed, and honestly… I'm not sure what that means yet. But it's going to be very fun to find out.
Normal service resumes tomorrow with NIN and live8 thoughts and hopefully some anonymous tomfoolery. You never know.
[posted with ecto]
I felt this says everything:
My flatmates and I went into London today to show solidarity.
We took a few tubes and a few buses. You fucking terrorist assholes are not going to get me down.
So we took a few snapshot to prove to ourselves that we did it. Shit like this was (apparently) no big deal to local Londers, but to us Aussies this was a pretty scary thing.
London itself was weird. It was normal, every store was open, people were getting on with life and generally dealing with it. The only things was.... it was packed. I walked down (most of) Oxford street without someone walking into me. The population level reminded me of Sydney rather than the heaving London.
Thursday was very interesting.
Firstly I freaked out. Londers have coped fantastically well with having the shit blown out of their city. I just felt violated. My heart is in Sydney, but my soul is in London at the moment, and I couldn't believe this was happening. Not to me. Not here. Not now.
Then things got a little... weirder. I started to misplace people.
Let me state, at this point (as it is not the point of this text to have any form of literary build up or little surprise twists) that i don't know anyone who was even hurt, let alone killed (thank, um, God?). I was very lucky, considering that I work in Aldgate.
However, people did retarded things like not have their phones on, etc. and so I couldn't find them. This lead to the panic, and the sick feeling of pre-emptive loss.
I got better. Then I got angry.
I'm going to try and be as clinical as I can. All times are educated guesses. Time was moving very strangely, and I didn't look at my watch much. I also didn't remember to take any photos. What I did get has been included.
Basically it all went down like this:
7am - I arrive at work (I'm having trouble sleeping at the moment).
9am - Something makes a "whoomph" noise that shakes the building. We look a little shocked.
5 minutes later... someone notices the smoke pouring from Aldgate station (which is next to our building).
9:30 - After finding most of my work mates, I wander to the window and watch the emergency services gather. They erect tents.
9:35 - A friend arrives. He tells me about the bags they have on the ground. There is much confusion. We are told that there has been a power surge, and there may be fatalities. We suddenly (with a terrible sinking feeling) suss what those big bags they are laying out are for.
9:40 - Another friend tells me of the distressing sites she has seen as she arrived at work. She is one of the last to arrive before a cordon is established.
9:45 - I watch them bring people out from 3 stories up. I have an active imagination, and it doesn't need that much encouragement.
9:50 - We are evacuated. On the way out the building I glance over my shoulder. I think I saw something bad.
10:30 - We arrive at our evacuation point. I dig up a laptop with a 3G card and start surfing. People are sticking to the power surge story.
10:35 - I read about the bus. This is no fucking power surge.
10 - We are released. I walk with a bunch of guys through London to Waterloo. We get drunk along the way.
A big amount of thanks needs to go out to a certain Noddy and Mr. Blackmore who took me to the pub, got me drunk, and grounded me in a comfortable, yet harsh reality. Cheers lads, you done good (and for the record we were chatting to those coppers, not being cautioned!).
I believe that is it. More later.
I still want to write about Live8 and the Nine Inch Nails, and I will, but I imagine it'll be after I clear my mind from the aftermath of this Thursday.
For assholes that live under rocks and whatnot, some bombs went off in London. I live in London, and it was weird.
There are things that need to be said about that, I just have to clarify them in my mind. Expect a few posts over the weekend... only you'll not see them until I next visit a net connection, because I've just moved house, and I'll not be able to publish them... they'll be written at least, and that has to count for something.
Still. Long weekend to look forward to now.
| The Heart You scored 75% sanguine, 59% phlegmatic, 18% melancholy, and 49% choleric! |
| You are the Heart. As you probably know, the Heart is a muscular organ responsible for mantaining blood circulation.
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The What Organ Are You? Test written by lostspiral on Ok Cupid |
Billy Corgan played London on the 16th of June.
I was going to write something long and convoluted, but fuck you. My memories of this are my own.
It was good. You should have been there.
I want them on my hand.
If you love me you will ensure that I recieve one of these awsome things for the guitar goodness that you know I have.
The Metasonix Butt Probe (found here at Engadget).
What a name for a product.
Like a true writer. Hell yeah.
I had a fantastic evening in a pub that smells a bit like wee. That's vaguely frightening to me, but hey, I'll move with the times. I figure that I'll smell like that by the time I'm 80, and in cosmic terms that's less than a quick blink away.
I need a drink. Please send me impressive amounts of gin to my new address. I'd tell you where it is, but that might spoil some of the fun, and we can't have that, can we?
Where was I? Yeah, so I'm in a pub. Rah! Unfortunately (mostly for you) I can now stay in a pub way past closing, and return to the old days where a landlord has to chuck me out.
Yeah that's right. Me and my mate Cloakey were the last men standing last night.
So I guess I'm trying to say: I'm BACK. The late night drinking is back, and all is well with the world again. The birds will sing this morning (in a bout 4 hours. Fuckers), and children run around playing and...
... Fuck. I think I probably said a lot of stuff last night I shouldn't have. It's all trickling back into my skull.
Here. Watch this. Shut up.
